Mommies, I know this very spot of exhaustion and the feelings of condemnation that comes with it.
Here in Elisa Morgan's book is a question that will right your thinking. The answer is yes.
An excerpt from the book The Beauty of Broken by Elisa Morgan
It had been a long day - the kind where everything came undone as soon as I did it. Preschooler insanity. I wiped bottoms and mouths and countertops, though not in that order, of course.
At last, bedtime. Evan was at a meeting, and I made it through the sweet night-night routine with Ethan, still a baby, and then three year old Eva, offering what I thought was pretty much mothering perfection. I'd embraced the myth of perfect parenting, fully expecting to create in my home what would become a perfect Christian family.
Until, tiptoeing down the hall to my room for mommy time with a bowl of popcorn and the the TV remote, I heard a toddler cry, "Mommy!" When I returned in a huff, my daughter wanted another drink, another book, another kiss - more of me. I didn't have more, I was on empty. While I gritted my teeth and endured the moment, I knew I was a nasty fake. I reeked of impatience and anger. Where did such anger come from? By the time I turned out her light again and made it back to my room, I knew I didn't deserve mommy time. I thought,
I am a lousy mother. The worst mother on the planet. I will ruin my children, I know it!
Hannah's prayer from 1 Samuel 1:27-28 filtered through my mind: "I prayed for this child, and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him (her) to me. Now I give him (her) back to the Lord. He (she) will belong to the Lord all his (her) life." The words were embroidered on a pillow in my daughter's room. I'd expected to pray this prayer when Eva went off to college or walked down the aisle to be married - not when she was three. But mercy! I need God to take over now!
God was listening In fact, He piped right in, whispering to my heart,
Okay, Elisa, I'll take care of Eva. No worries. But do you trust me with her?
You bet! I shot. "You are God!"
Do you trust me to walk her through a life-threatening illness?
"Err ... yeah ..."
Do you trust me to decide who she should marry, or if she doesn't marry, to provide for her?
"Well, I'd love a say in 'who' - but okay .."
Do you trust me to determined if she should go to public schools or private school or be homeschooled?
"Yes, I trust you with Eva."
Then Elisa, do you trust me to choose for Eva the very best mother for who I know she will become?
I sat with that question a long time. Did I believe that God would pair me with my child - to be the mother she uniquely needs today and in the years to come? Was I up to the year-after-year-after-year commitment of knowing this truth and living out in my actions? I still trace my fingers along the edges of this truth today.
The answer is YES.
He placed that very child in your home, in your arms. Yes, He uses that child to draw you closer to HIM. Yes, we can TRUST Him with those children and YES, we can trust Him that we are the mommy He designed for our child.
At one point Elisa said she was the worst mother on the planet. She is going to have to get in line for that title. We all share it. A friend comforted me years ago by saying that we all have uglies in our closet.
Each day will have troubles and blessings. Trust in HIM who makes us clean, who wipes away tears because He is the Faithful One.
Take a deep breath and sing a song of thankfulness to the Lord. He will sustain you and clean up after you.
Because ... He is just that good.