Monday, March 14, 2011

Why is it that people that want to be a great spouse or great parent or a great friend end up hurting the very ones they love? 

I think it has to do with emotional needs. 

The very people we love are the very people we want to be there for, to love them, to make sure they are well taken care of.

Yet .. time and again we get stuck in our own issues, our own weaknesses so that we become ineffective in our hearts desire. 
We end up hurting the very ones we love the most. 

At some point in our lives we need to be strengthened in our spirit. 

Like a small child developing his or her body to be strong and useful -our hearts can be developed. 

Many of us have grown up without the personal growth necessary to be strong of heart. We get into relationships and when that other person looks to us for our 
response we end up being so busy with our own needs and desires that we leave them uncared for.

In the end everyone is frustrated because we are not loving and caring for that person like we wish we could - and the other person is hurt and wounded because the response that should have been there from us, was not. 

This makes me think of the oxygen mask on the airplane. People are instructed to put on the mask first so that they can be strong enough for care for the others. If they are weak they are not much good to those around them. 

So, for us that have let our loved ones down and not been strong enough in our own wellness to reach out to nurture those we love - how do we become well enough?
For you single folks .. lucky you .. you are at a place in your life of strengthening. Your days are your own, you are able to take the time you need to get your "oxygen mask" on and get the strength you need. 

For me personally, if I were single and since I had so much disregard and disappointment as a young one I would be a student of healthy living. I would redo my brain to Godly living. I would find out through God's Word, relying on His Holy Spirit .. and through books and Godly folks .. what holy and healthy looks like. 

That way when the time comes and I have that spouse or that son or that daughter that needs me to be a strong presence in their life I would be able to be there for them.

I would have been strengthened by the love of God - He would have to be the place I would get my sense of wholeness and well being from. His goodness would become my goodness because He is willing to give that to me. I, being weak and ineffective - need His love, His provision, His salvation so that I could be strong. 

For us married folks. It's true our loved ones are suffering due to our own weaknesses .. but the oxygen mask is available

We can put it on and take in the strength of God through His Word and His Holy Spirit. We can pray that as we try so hard to seek Him in order that we may love our family - He will protect the ones we love and build them up.

We can communicate with our loved ones that our hearts desire is to be strong for them and that through the power of God we are trying every single day. 

Because we love them, rather then to be a drain on their lives .. we want to have strong arms for them, we want to be a blessing in their lives. Be the blessing from the Lord for them ..

So, in turn they can be blessings in this world. So they can show the light of Jesus and His immeasurable love. So, they will not be weak and continually trying to satisfy their own needs but because of the love of God coming though us they can love others.

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